Having gone through the same learning curve that many burgeoning PUAs have lived through, I’ve experimented with many different styles and field tested countless strategies. I’ve done Canned, Routines, silly stuff, boring shit, and pretty much whatever was out there in order to see for myself what worked and what didn’t.
Throughout my evolution and progress, one thing I’ve learned is that NONVERBAL Game is just as- if not more- important than Verbal Game. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s still ESSENTIAL to have the ability to not only hold down a conversation, but also create and maintain attraction with the words that come out of your mouth.
But there’s a vast, untapped realm of conveying Passive Value and Attraction through things Nonverbal. And by Nonverbal Game, I include:
- Body Language
- BLP and Locking In/Isolating
- Social Proofing
- Kino (General & Sexual)
- Sensuality & Escalation
- Compliance Testing
There are many things you can convey in a few actions and a few seconds through Nonverbal Game that would require more work and effort through Verbal Game. Sometimes, but not all the time, what you can achieve through Verbal Game can be done through Nonverbal Game and sometimes more easily and more effectively.
Of course, what you want is to have that one-two punch of being skilled in both Verbal and Nonverbal Game. But a woman’s need for and expertise in decoding Nonverbal Cues, I’d recommend that once you have at least achieved some level of competence in your ability to hold down a conversation, you should concentrate on your Nonverbal attributes.
So some examples:
- What It Means: How far away are you from her? Do you keep your distance? Or do you move in too close for comfort? How close you are to each other can be a reflection of one’s status and/or the intensity of the discussion.
- Exercise: When you initially approach her, stay a little less than arm’s length. Not to far, but not too close. When you pass the hook point, slowly close the physical space and/or maneuver her into intruding open yours.
- What It Means: This goes back to the class Indirect vs Direct use of Body Language when approaching. Indirect attempts to convey non-neediness and spontaneity of conversation. Direct attempts to convey dominance and sexual intention. They both have their place in your tool box, but I wouldn’t become over dependent on one or the other.
- Example: Indirect approaching is typically done side-by-side or over the shoulder. It requires good projection and steady body language. Direct approaching requires slower movements as well as generally high confidence and assuredness as you’re telegraphing your intent without protecting your ego.
- POSTURE -
- What It Means: Postures convey the degree of formality and degree of relaxation. Sitting, standing, or walking… do you do it slouched or upright? Do you fold your arms? Hold your drink up?
- Exercise: Throw your neck and shoulders back. Look DOWN at a girl. Lean back on anything and everything. Keep your arms uncrossed, drink down, and hands out of pocket.
- PHYSICAL CONTACT & KINO -
- What It Means: Kino reflects an element of intimacy and feeling (or lack thereof) attraction both your parts. Do you instantly touch a woman when you approach? How often do you kino? Do you initiate Sexual Kino or do you hesitate?
- Exercise: ALWAYS start a conversation and approach WITH kino. It establishes that much needed quick bond and lowers the barrier to further attempts. Make it a quick, light touch in the appropriate spot. In other words, don’t do creepy, sexual kino in the very beginning.
- FACIAL EXPRESSIONS -
- What It Means: Women have highly developed facial recognition skills in differentiating friend from foe. Potential lover versus rapist. Facial expressions are continually monitored and observed by the target and you’re evaluated by your ability to express a wide array of emotions.
- Example: FORCE yourself to smile when you approach even if it hurts. Smiling a real smile versus a fake smile versus no smile makes all the world of difference in “sticking” your initial approach. Continually vary your facial expressions for different emotions like surprise, happiness, disgust, anger, slyness, shyness, sexual, excited, etc. In other words, don’t simply have a shit eating grin on your face throughout the entire interaction and most assuredly don’t have a blank expression.
- GESTURES -
- What It Means: People use hand gestures when they talk. They range from gesticulating wildly like a mad man, to what I call the “T-Rex” with the elbows bent and hands flapping uselessly in front of them like midget appendages, to the hands in pockets for no gestures at all. You should USE gestures in order to MAKE A POINT. Don’t fruitlessly expend energy if you don’t have to.
- Exercise: If you find yourself moving your hands like crazy, hook your thumbs into your pocket. It’s called the “Cowpoke Position.” So when you’re in set, make sure to control your movements and bust out the “guns” when you’re talking about how you caught a fish “THIS BIG!”
- LOOKING & EYE CONTACT -
- What It Means: Do you maintain eye contact when you approach? Listeners look at the speaker more than the speaker looks at the listener. Eye contact conveys emotions, intensity, signals when to talk and signals when you’re finished. It can also signal aversion, boredom and disinterest. Dominants tend to maintain longer eye contact. A direct stare conveys openness, candor, and intent. Looking away conveys modesty, humility, and even fear.
- Exercise: STARE into your target’s eyes when you approach her. During the actual conversation, shift your eye contact from one person to the other. When you catch a woman giving you AI, don’t for the life of god avoid her eye contact. Meet her eyes and smile. Eye rolling can also be used to emphasize a punch line when you’re telling a particularly humorous story and/or when you’re teasing her.
- FORWARD & BACKWARD MOVEMENTS -
- What It Means: This can be either Pecking or Rocki
ng. Pecking is when you move forward into your target’s space and back out and back inside in rapid succession. It looks like you’re a chicken pecking. Rocking is slowly, more emphatic, and actually more inside your personal box.
- Exercise: Force yourself to stand back. Lean. Rock in when you want to whisper something into her ear. Lean a little forward when you shake hands. Don’t peck and don’t move fast.
- VERTICAL MOVEMENTS -
- What It Means: Do you draw yourself up (posture) when you shake hands or when you approach? Presenting your maximum height and physical presentation is more dominant and confident.
- Exercise: Force yourself to “puff up”, expand your chest, and draw yourself up to your tallest when you approach.
- SIDE-TO-SIDE MOVEMENTS -
- What It Means: You can take up space by having a broad stance, leaning against something, and arm movements to the side. There’s a link between facial expressions, hand movements, and body movements so when one is out of sync with the other, it gives off an incongruent vibe and feeling of discomfort with oneself.
- Exercise: When you stand, make sure you place your feet just as wide as your shoulders. When you gesture, move your arms broadly. When you light a cigarette or answer your cellphone, kick your arms and elbows widely up and back. Take up more space.
- ENVIRONMENT & TACTICAL LOGISTICS -
- What It Means: At the tactical level of logistics, the arrangement of physical objects and beings around you, can greatly affect your ability to maintain, control, and enhance your progress.
- Exercise: EVERY set that you do, and I mean EVERY set, have in mind a spot you intend to sit down, isolate, and escalate. Knowing physically WHERE you want to move her and progress the sarge means you don’t have to think about it when the time comes. The opportunity presents itself to you and you just naturally sit down and isolate her to the side.
- TONALITY -
- What It Means: Universally, men who have lower pitch (bass), talk slowly, and more assuredly are considered more attractive than those who have high squeaky voices and talk fast like they’re on crack.
- Exercise: SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Seriously, think in slow motion. Hit the SLOW-MO button on the DVD and not only move slow, but TALK SLOW. And project from the diaphragm for a deeper sounding voice. It’s simply more masculine. Vary your emotional range going from high energy to low and back up to a medium level. Don’t stay at the entertainment monkey level, but also don’t persist in a boring, slow tonality. Vary your voice’s energy and emotion.
- SILENCE & TIMING -
- What It Means: Silence can create suspense, tension, and even peace as well as Compliance Test her. A lot of PUAs simply TALK TO FUCKING MUCH. So when you have passed the hook point, try SHUTTING UP and listening to her. After about 10 minutes, she’s already decided you’re attractive so stop filling the air with all the useless noise you call Routines, DHVs, and stories. Now when it comes to timing, that’s a hard thing to learn. Comic timing with a well placed comment can make a punch line or make it fall flat on your face.
- Exercise: Keep a mental timer while you’re in set. After about 10 minutes, SHUT UP. Ask her a Comfort Leading Question and LET HER TALK. Let her Qualify herself to your and go into Comfort. Hell, do it in the middle of a story and look at her expectantly like she’s supposed to make a comment. Comic timing can generally only be improved by knowing some C&F & Banter lines, but more importantly, through practice by either field experience, improv, or some sort of comedy writing / improv / drama classes.
There’s a lot of subtle information that is conveyed by your Nonverbal Communication. It’s one of the more underrated skill sets in the Community, but in many ways vastly more important.
Studies and research in the past have shown that when researchers throw in both verbal cues and nonverbal cues, the nonverbal communication was FOUR TIMES more powerful than the verbal.
So start shooting from both barrels of your shotgun instead of one by advancing and learning both types of communication.
- “ABCs of Attraction” Syllabus (Day 1, 2007)
- “ABCs of Attraction” Syllabus (Day 2, 2007)
- “ABCs of Attraction” Syllabus (Day 3, 2007)
- General Pick Up & Dating Advice
- Interracial Pick Up & Dating Advice